Personal Family Web

My Family 1967

Mom 1960

Mom:  During my early childhood, at least the parts I can remember, my mom put all of her time and effort into rearing my brothers and I, and keeping the home for my father.  Mom had a tumultuous childhood complicated by untimely deaths, absences due to the war and the affects of alcoholism in what Brofenbrenner would call the micro/mesosystem of her bioecological model.  When she became a mother she knew that she wanted her children to have exceedingly better childhoods than she did.  She turned to Dr. Benjamin Spock’s book (The 1957 revised version) entitled The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care”.  Creating a stable, healthy, and emotionally supportive environment was her goal.  She insisted that we have 3 square meals a day, consistent bedtimes, daily chores, regular trips to the doctor and the dentist, and at least some mother/child activities to do during the day.  She always said to me, “Be  brave”.

Dad:  Where my mother made life happen, life happened to my father.  My father’s interactions with my brothers and I, though acceptable, were minimal and almost always motivated by my mother’s desire for him to be connected to his children.

Mom posing in front of the pond c. 1975

Brothers:  For much of my childhood, my brothers were my pals. I remember summers full of self-created adventures on the farm.  We rode the horses, swam in the pond, inventing all kinds of water games.  We caught snakes, turtles, frogs, and lightening bugs.  During the winter my older brother would use the snow shovel to clean the snow from the ice on the pond.  Then we would grab the sled and our ice skates and spend the day skating, sledding and building snowmen to act as our audience.

Grandma K.:  What an interesting woman!  To me she was the ultimate grandma.  Grew up on the farm and was no stranger to hard work.  Her home was very simple, and old fashioned, but immaculate... so clean, so organized, and always smelled of something yummy to eat.  Grandma K. was a prolific gardener, an amazing cook, and an extremely talented seamstress.  I loved going to her house, up in the Allegheny Mountains of Northern Pennsylvania.  As a woman of industry, she taught me so many things simply by example.  I was fascinated by her constant movement, and observed her closely.  I remember her taking my brothers and I to the creek to fish and catch crawdads (crayfish).  She would also take us to the spring where fresh water came out from the ground.  She kept a small jar there, upside down on a tree branch, to use for catching the water and drinking it.  So good! We picked blueberries and currents with her, making pies and preserving the rest as jams and jellies.  Every Christmas she sent us a box of homemade, and elaborately decorated Christmas sugar cookies.  I think I learned to be self-sufficient and industrious, in part, from her. 

School:  During my school years, I was too shy to have much in the way of relationships with anyone.  I remember a time when Mrs. Dick was my first grade teacher.  Some of the other children were at the front of the room showing their work to Mrs. Dick.  I wanted to show my work to her as well.  I was finally printing the letter “e” to a level where I could feel proud of it.  I remember feeling so nervous as I approached her.  When I shared my work with her she said, “Well, it’s about time!”.  That was certainly not the comment I was expecting.  I was crushed.  I remember slowly going back to my seat with my paper feeling weak, shaky, and scared.  As I sat down, and stared at the letter “e’s”  I had written, I felt so unimportant, and inadequate.  Needless to say, that put me off approaching my first grade teacher for any reason for the rest of the year.  Second grade was different.  I was still recovering from first grade, and was still painfully shy, but Mrs. Chevrolier was kind.  While turning in my work, I bumped a ceramic bluebird planter off of her desk.  It fell on the floor and broke.  She assured me that it was okay, and that she did not think badly of me.  What a relief!  Later Mrs. Chevrolier and the music teacher collaborated to put on the musical, “The Wizard of Oz”.  I was given the lead role of Dorothy.  In retrospect I believe I was given the role because I was so shy, and I’m sure Mrs. Chevrolier’s motivation was to give me a task that would help me address that issue.  Rehearsals began, and indeed I remember getting “lost” in story and the acting doing whatever was asked of me with gusto!  Unfortunately I was hospitalized with a severe case of pneumonia, and I was unable to see the musical through.  The part of Dorothy had to be given away to “the gym teacher’s daughter”.  I spent a long ten days in the hospital, with other sick children.  One day my mother came in to visit me bringing me a large envelope that had come in the mail.  It was from Mrs. Chevrolier and was full of handmade get-well cards from all of my classmates.  By contrast to Mrs. Dick, her small actions made me feel important, relevant, and cared about, which did wonders for my self-esteem.  Note:  Never ever underestimate the power of a teacher; especially during the early years of childhood.

Although my mother has been gone now for over 8 years, she still is influential in my life -mostly because she had a quote for almost every situation, and I often quote them to my girls.  "Be brave... One in the hand is worth two in the bush... That is a lazy man's load... No one appreciates a doormat..."

Although alive and well, my father has very little to do with my brothers and I limiting his interactions to  cards at Christmas and for birthdays.  To me he is an example of what not to do when forming tangible family relationships.  I have reason to believe that he has legitimate reasons for his inability to connect with people, but none the less it is unfortunate and has always had a profound affect upon the family.